Talking to My Younger Self

There were times when I would sit with my little black phone book with names and numbers of family, friends and acquaintances. Scouring name by name, page by page, I had no idea what I was hoping to get from it. Who could I call? Each new person I met was another chance. I searched their faces, picked their brains, wanting to learn whatever it was that they knew that could give me an answer to the question I didn’t know. One day I was walking down the aisle of my local supermarket. I knew what every shelf on every aisle contained. When I’d be making up my list at home, I would in my mind visually scan up and down the aisles for what we needed. What did the kids need in the book area? There was nothing on the list but I went down the aisle. I checked the titles absent-mindedly. Almost at the end, I stopped short. Something had caught my eye. Walking backwards, I scoured the titles. There it was. The title was “Who Am I?” Instinctively I knew that it was my question! I was a mom, a sister, a secretary, a daughter, an ex-wife, a friend, a girlfriend but what was my relationship to myself? This was a watershed moment that has never left me. It was the beginning. It took years to truly define my relationship with myself, but it happened: I became my own partner, confidant, protector, spiritual guide, educator and best friend for life.